Wednesday, June 08, 2011

More collection call fun

Does anyone else get those phone calls from collection agencies -- for people who aren't you and in some cases may not even live at your address?

I've had several recently, relating to someone who may or many not reside at a nearby address. Apparently the idea is that if I know that alleged neighbor, I'm supposed to pass on a message from the collection agency (presumably this means that said alleged neighbor hangs up on them when they call, or has a disconnected phone, or whatever).

Anyway, tonight I get an automated phone call asking me to return the call to a particular person at a particular number.

Naturally, the particular person named has "stepped out" and the other anonymous collection agent will handle the matter (same of course being true for the other 20 anonymous agents, since the named person likely doesn't even exist). Anyway, after that chit-chat:

Collection Agent: Do you know [name that isn't mine]?

Me: None of your business.

Collection Agent: [Name that isn't mine]? Do you know [name that isn't mine]?

Me: None. Of. Your. Business.

Collection Agent: So this is a wrong number?

Me: I didn't say that.

Collection Agent: I'm sorry sir, you have to be more specific.

Me: No, I really don't. [click]

I also like the automated calls that give you a series of invalid options:

"Press one if you are [name]. Press two to place the call on hold and go get [name]. Press three if you can take a message."

I generally sit silently and let those options repeat until they cut off with "sorry, I couldn't hear your response ... goodbye."

I'm not [name], I'm not going to go get [name] for you -- even if I know whom he or she might be, he or she is not here; and I'm not your fucking stenographer. But I'm happy to keep one of your lines tied up for a couple of extra minutes, since you woke me up with your robocall and that sounds more fun than hanging up and going back to sleep. Have a nice day.

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