Thursday, August 06, 2015

How About Some LiveBlog? -- Kid's Table Edition

My Opinion: Nobody broke out in any significant way. I get the feeling that the moderators were doing everything they could to let Carly Fiorina shine, but frankly half of what she had to say was boilerplate and the other half was babble. I'm listening to the aftershow now and the Fox people are trying to talk her up, so yeah, I was right ... they are in the tank for Fiorina.

6:20 It's over. Thank God.

6:10 Graham: Whatever it takes to keep America at war, I will do. I will be Ronald Reagan if I can find a Tip O'Neill. We need to save Social Security.

Two word answers to describe Hillary, going too fast for me to catch, but I'm pretty sure they don't like her. Also, Perry can't count.

30 second closing statements:

Perry: Show me don't tell me election, and Texas is the show-me state (he didn't actually say THAT). Texas. Texas. Texas. Hispanics and African Americans and Texas. Manufacturing and Texas. TEXAS!

Santorum: Karen and I have seven children, so we think about the future. We need to stop letting so many people in because my kids need the space. Also, manufacturing jobs.

Jindal: Lot of great talkers running. We need a doer, not a talker. Bush is a dipshit, we need to be conservative, stop letting people who look like me just waltz in.

Fiorina: Hillary is SUCH A BITCH. We need a nominee who will throw punches until she gets fired and loses the only election she's ever run in. I need your help to drive this hellhole into the ground too.

Graham: We need somebody ready to keep the wars going, and maybe to whiz around the war room in a wheelchair calling people mein fuhrer and giving Nazi salutes.

Pataki: Why me? My background is different. I won in a Democratic state and for some reason I want you to remember that I was in charge in New York the day the hijackers bitch-slapped us.

Gilmore: I was a conservative governor of Virginia. We have to change directions and I am offering a specific program for the audience to use as a sleep aid. Hey, I was a governor on 9/11 too.

6:08 Sorry, food came and I had to stop for a moment. Santorum's talking about how great Santorum is.

5:58 Pataki, Planned Parenthood, you are only pro-choice candidate. No Republican pro-choice candidate has won a presidential primary in 35 years. Has Planned Parenthood scandal changed your heart? Pataki: No, I've always hated abortion and would defund Planned Parenthood. Abortion should be outlawed past 20 weeks. It is Hillary and Biden who are for late-term abortion.

Jindal, would you shut down government to defund Planned Parenthood. Jindal: Planned Parenthood had better hope Hillary wins, because I will sic the IRS and DoJ on them. I don't think Obama should shut down government simply to give taxpayer money to Planned Parenthood. Republicans should have defunded Planned Parenthood and didn't, should have repealed ObamaCare and didn't.

Graham, defunding Planned Parenthood against women's health? Graham: Not a war on women, all of us as Americans should stand up against harvesting fetal organs. We should take the money from Planned Parenthood and give it to women's healthcare. But let's get back to my favorite topic, which is that I want to send American soldiers back to Iraq and back to Afghanistan and to Syria and to every other place in the world.

Closing question for all: Close Gitmo was Obama's first executive order. What would yours be. Gilmore: Not a matter of first, but there are too many executive orders that shouldn't exist. I'd get rid of a bunch, the president shouldn't be legislating. Graham: Change the Mexico City policy on abortion overseas, and give NSA anything it wants. Jindal: Repeal amnesty, Obamacare, sanctuary cities, stop IRS from going after religious groups; Perry: Tear up the Iran agreement, more border theatrics, white-out on Obama's exec orders. Santorum: Protect religious people. Fiorina: Agree with my colleagues, undo Obama's amnesty and EPA stuff; I am a conservative because I am an egalitarian; runs the clock and just keeps babbling about progressives; Pataki: I defeated Mario Cuomo and my first exec order was revoking all of his and I would do the same thing to Obama, then sign one freezing hiring except for military.

Obama promised hope and change, 60% of Americans don't like stuff now. Apparently this debate is going overtime.

Fiorina: This is a great nation. I will babble about how great for awhile.

5:54 Break. Not sure how they can get any more in there before the 6pm end. My first impression is that Graham has received like 1/3 the face time of Fiorina, and less than Gilmore, Perry or Santorum. Pataki and Jindal seem to be toward the rear on talk-time too. But that's not a careful calculation, just a guess.

5:50 More Fiorina, would you help non-Iranians in the Middle East get nukes if Iran had them. Fiorina: My second day I would have a meeting with all the leaders in the region and hope they didn't fire me like the HP board did.

Santorum, SCOTUS, same-sex marriage, is that settled law? Santorum: No, not any more than Dred Scott. Rogue SCOTUS, no constitutional basis for them letting people do things I don't like, whether it's gay marriage or partial-birth abortion.

Gilmore, litmus test for SCOTUS justices. Hillary says she'd have one for Citizens United. Should conservatives have an abortion litmus test. Gilmore cites all his qualifications, but says no litmus test other than they should apply rather than make the law. Iran is an expansionist power (yeah, he said that and shoehorned it in.

5:47 Iran nuclear deal. How will you disarm Iran and keep the Middle East from becoming nuclearized (yes, that was the word used)? Perry, which side should we be on among those people over there. Perry: The side that keeps Iran from getting a nucular weapon (yes, he said it that way). The Iranians used their weapons to kill our young men in Iran (yes, that's what he said). We need a Congress that says not only no but hell no to the Iran deal.

Fiorina, the allies we are with are terrorists too. Are you OK with being on their side. Fiorina: I'd make two phone calls on my first day in office. The first to my good friend Bibi Netanyahu to tell him I'll do anything he wants, the second to the Ayatollah to tell him to put his head between his legs and kiss his ass goodbye. Gee, it's liberating to be able to debate knowing I have no chance in hell.

5:44 Break.

5:40 TV instead of stream, they're asking Gilmore what he would say to people who think he's heartless. Gilmore: I'm not heartless, I'm just boring as watching paint dry as I recite the regular GOP program.

Jindal, Kasich took ObamaCare money for Medicaid, you didn't. Why was Kasich wrong? Jindal: Sanders and Clinton are socialists. Obama admitted yesterday that the Iran deal was partly about not pissing off China so we can keep borrowing money. Need to stop the culture of government dependence (presumably not counting the paychecks he collected during his six years as Louisiana Secretary of Health and Hospitals; two years as president University of Louisiana; two years as US Assistant Secretary of Health and Human Services for Planning and Evaluation; four years in the US House of Representatives; and 7.5 years as governor of Louisiana).

Pataki, is Jindal right? Pataki: Yeah.

5:38 To Santorum, are Americans are too reliant on government assistance? Santorum: We have to create better paying jobs and bring back manufacturing. I have a plan 2020 Perfect Vision for America that will create a manufacturing juggernaut and reform welfare and damn ... stream froze again.

5:35 Graham on the economy, 82 million unemployed, 42 million on food stamps, etc. Increasing willingness to accept assistance. How do you get able Americans to work. Graham: Americans are dying to work, just give them a chance. If you want a better life, don't vote for Hillary. I'll repeal ObamaCare, build Keystone and end Dodd Frank. We will never be safe with a third term of Obama. And what about those emails, Hillary? ISIL isn't the JV team and TEH MUSLIMS TEH MUSLIMS TEH MUSLIMS.

5:30 Another commercial break, thank God.

5:26 Santorum on immigration, what would you say to a child born in America who could see his or her family broken apart by your Know-Nothing bullshit? Santorum: My dad was born in Italy and had to live there under a guy a lot like me for awhile in the 1930s and 1940s. I asked him about that and he said America was worth the wait. Obama shouldn't be able to take his pen and phone and tell everyone what's best, that should be MY job.

Same question to Perry. Perry: Americans are tired of hearing about illegal immigration, so I'm going to talk about illegal immigration. All this discussion, the fact is the border is still porous despite the theatrics that I bragged about earlier. My 14 years of failure qualify me to lead on this issue.

5:24 Fiorina, are you on the side of freedom and a surveillance state that watches everything you do, or the tyranny of people being able to use the toilet without James Comey popping up and biting them on the ass, like Rand Paul wants. Fiorina: Can I split this down the middle and say nothing of substance? Can I use my whole minute up without committing to anything? But yes, Apple and such should give Comey anything they want [note: I think my stream may be running 30-60 seconds behind live]

Gilmore breaks in -- I chaired the commission on the 9/11 attacks, and we need to give the military-industrial complex anything it says it needs to kill all TEH MUSLIMS.

5:21 ISIS and homeland security. Gilmore, the FBI has manufactured 21 terrorists from scratch but doesn't want to mention that they're TEH MUSLIMS. How far are you prepared to go to kill all TEH MUSLIMS in America? Gilmore: Religious liberty doesn't include freedom to say things I don't like. And my stream cuts off. Gotta go turn on the real TV.

5:17 Commercial break. Dear God, I signed up for two of these things in one night? So far, none of the candidates have really distinguished themselves in any way. Or at least not any unexpected way. Graham is certainly distinguished in his blood lust, but that's an ongoing thing with him.

5:15 Jindal, how would you fight ISIS? Jindal: I'd make it about TEH MUSLIMS because TEH MUSLIMS are UNDER YOUR BED RIGHT NOW!

Graham, why should America do a third war like the first two you idiots got us into? Graham: Because I am Doctor Fucking Strangelove and I will save your precious bodily fluids from TEH MUSLIMS.

5:12 Hey, Perry, what about Trump? Perry: How can you run for the Republican nomination and be for single-payer healthcare? No one has done more than me to be theatric about the Mexican border.

Same question, Fiorina. Fiorina: I didn't get a phone call from Bill Clinton before deciding to run. Trump is tapping into anger at the political class, but he's changed his mind on immigration, healthcare and abortion and who the hell knows what he really believes.

5:09 Pataki. Mitt Romney didn't run again because he thought the GOP needed new blood. What the hell are YOU doing here? Pataki says people are tired of career politicians (by the way, his political record includes four years as mayor of Peekskill, New York; eight years in the New York State Assembly; two years in the New York State Senate; and 12 years as New York's governor).

Gilmore gets the same thing -- the "careerist" question. In response, he cites his record as a careerist (thre years US Army; five years Henrico County, Virginia Commonwealth's Attorney; four years Virginia Attorney General; for years Virginia governor; four years chair of Congressional Advisory Panel to Assess Domestic Capabilities for Terrorism Involving Weapons of Mass Destruction).

5:07 Graham. You worked with Democrats on climate change. How can Republicans trust you? Graham says his focus on energy independence instead of cap and trade will destroy the Middle East and bring about the second coming of Liberace.

5:05 Santorum. Has his moment passed? No, he thinks that sticking to his message means his moment is here now.

Jindal. Your approval numbers at home suck big-time. You'd lose Louisiana to Hillary according to polls. What makes you think people like you? Jindal doesn't want to talk about why nobody likes him. He wants to talk about why people should like him.

5:02 First question to Perry. Those glasses! If he put on a bow tie, I'd expect to hear Daleks screeching EXTERRRMINATE in the background. He says he's qualified to be president because Texas.

Fiorina gets asked if comparisons to Margaret Thatcher are a stretch. She doesn't think so. The board that fired her before she could completely destroy HP and the voters who rejected her the only time she ran for office may disagree.

4:55PM Eastern -- How much do I love you guys? So much that I'm settling in with an Old Crow and diet Cola by my side and a sequined green trilby on my head (I don't own a fedora) to watch Fox "News" so you don't have to!  I plan two liveblogs tonight ... one of the "Kids' Table" Republican presidential beauty contes ... er, "debate" ... and another of the main event.

At the kids' table: Carly Fiorina, Jim Gilmore, Lindsey Graham, Bobby Jindal, George Pataki, Rick Perry and Rick Santorum. Back atcha in a few minutes.

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