Thursday, October 04, 2012

The "Debate" -- My Theory


OK, so, yeah, I watched it. I didn't plan to, but I happened to be near the television and someone mentioned it was coming on right before, so ...

In my own opinion, it was a complete wash. Neither Obama nor Romney landed any serious punches on each other. It came off like two old spinster sisters who live together carping at each other over whether Mama's Watergate Salad recipe calls for half a cup or 2/3 of of a cup of pineapple.

I was mildly surprised that Romney seemed to be trying to run at Obama from the (statist) left, but I guess I shouldn't have been. I mean, it is Romney we're talking about here. He'd put on a crotchless teddy and stiletto heels and sing "Love Me Tender" on live national TV if he thought it would help him pull even in Ohio. The occasion seemed to call for parroting LBJ's ideology in Bush the Elder's peevish voice, so that's how he rolled.

Obama, meanwhile, just played it close to the vest and threw off an annoying Alfred E. Neuman vibe the whole time.

The really surprising part -- and once again I guess I shouldn't have been surprised -- was the after-debate spin. The punditry of both parties, and the media talking heads, all seemed to agree that Romney won.

Why? My theory: Because all three groups needed for him to win.

Obama can't afford for his base to get lazy. He needs them motivated, just in case, so they don't sleep in and forget to actually vote. So he has to pretend that it's a real race and that he doesn't have it in the bag.

Romney's only hope is to fake it until he makes it. Every bowel movement that doesn't end in a cerebral hemorrhage has to roll out as a sign of his "momentum."

And the media need to make this painfully boring election cycle exciting enough to pull viewers away from Seinfeld re-runs, infomercials for testosterone replacement supplements, and other stuff that's more interesting than Mitt Romney vs. Barack Obama.

That's the only explanation I can come up with for the claim that the debate was anything more than an incredibly expensive insomnia cure.

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