Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Obligatory "Perez Hilton Posts a Miley Cyrus Pic" Post

Here's the definition of "child pornography":

(8) "child pornography" means any visual depiction, including any photograph, film, video, picture, or computer or computer-generated image or picture, whether made or produced by electronic, mechanical, or other means, of sexually explicit conduct, where —

(A) the production of such visual depiction involves the use of a minor engaging in sexually explicit conduct;

(B) such visual depiction is a digital image, computer image, or computer-generated image that is, or is indistinguishable from, that of a minor engaging in sexually explicit conduct; or

(C) such visual depiction has been created, adapted, or modified to appear that an identifiable minor is engaging in sexually explicit conduct.

Last time I noticed, getting out of a car couldn't reasonably be described as “sexually explicit conduct” unless you were like, getting out of a car while having sex at the same time or something.

For those of you daydreaming of Perez Hilton in orange coveralls and leg-irons, sorry -- it probably just ain't gonna happen. If a judge was too stupid or camera-happy to laugh the charge out of court, a jury would.

I suppose a really stupid prosecutor might decide that risking a few days in the jug on contempt charges for wasting the court's time is a small price to pay for 15 minutes of fame at Hilton's expense, but that seems like a long shot. Then again, never underestimate the stupidity of prosecutors. They all dream of being governors some day and that ambition does tend to produce sudden, sometimes catastrophic, drops in IQ.

Not all conduct which some might find offensive is illegal. Getting out of a car isn't illegal. Neither is taking a picture of someone getting out of a car, or posting that picture on the Internet. Get over it.

As for Miley and the pic, there seems to be some dispute over whether or not she was ... um, going commando ... at the time (see video below, or this Hilton post linking to contemporaneous pix of Cyrus with panties on). If she was, well, she's Miley Cyrus. She knows damn well that every time she gets out of a car there are going to be 50 cameras pointed at her crotch. If she doesn't want that vajayjay peering out of 50 million monitors at the wide eyes of 50 million monkey-spanking pubescent boys, I'm guessing she can afford a pair of squirrel-covers.

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