In Which I Briefly Put On My Stand-Up Comedy Hat

As long-time readers of this blog may remember, I made a brief foray into the world of stand-up comedy. 

It wasn't much, really -- a couple of open mic sets, IIRC one of them a two-minute and the second one a five-minute. Those two times weren't accidental. The first time you came to this particular open mic, you got two minutes. And if you got laughs, well, then, the next week the person running the thing would give you five minutes if you wanted.

I got laughs both times. I started working on a "tight ten" minute routine, which is the next step and maybe one you get to do as one of the minor comedians in a "real" show instead of at an open mic ... and then the pandemic hit, everything just shut down, and at some point I lost interest. My main reason for messing with it in the first place was that I thought it might reduce my fear of public speaking. I think it did.

Anyway, that's all by way of establishing my (exceedingly minimal) credentials as an authority on whether or not a joke works. Whether it's good. Whether it's something the person who came up with should expect to get laughs out of. So:

There are a number of different "formulas" for writing jokes.

My own favorite such formula is to start talking about something people recognize, understand, are familiar with, or can identify with, then take a sudden, unexpected turn on that subject. You lull them, then you shock them. It may take five seconds or five minutes to move from the wholly relatable premise to the "wow, that was completely unexpected" turn, but that's the formula.

Here's a not really very good joke I posted to this very blog, one of my early attempts, way back in 2014 (years before I braved a microphone and a live audience). It uses that formula.

Wholly Relatable Premise: I tried to break up with my girlfriend. Told her we shouldn't date any more. Told her adieu.

Wow, That Was Completely Unexpected Turn: So now she thinks we're married.

Here's another one that I posted to Facebook in May of 2020. Similar formula, but it has a little kick after the turn. This one  got me contacted by another comedian I'd done those two open mics with. He was trying to set up his own open mic at a different bar, and he wanted me to show up because he liked it. But you know how long the pandemic, and the accompanying public event restrictions, dragged on. And it happens to be about those restrictions.

Wholly Relatable Premise: I was at the store today and a woman walked up to me and informed me that having my nose hanging outside my mask is like having my penis hanging outside my pants. I looked at her for a minute, waiting for her to go on, and she looked at me for a minute waiting for me to respond. Finally, she said "do you understand what I'm saying?"

Wow, That Was Completely Unexpected Turn: I said "I think you're saying that you want to see my penis, but I'm not really sure."

Little Post-Turn kick: Then she ran away.

Maybe you laughed when you read those jokes. Maybe you didn't. I personally think they're a little better delivered vocally. When it comes to influences, I tend to lean toward e.g. Steven Wright or Mitch Hedberg. So imagine them delivered pretty much deadpan.

Warming up for Donald Trump at Madison Square Garden, comedian Tony Hinchcliffe used the same formula, in short form. It's quick punch, not rope-a-dope.

Wholly Relatable Premise: There’s a lot going on. I don’t know if you know this but there’s literally a floating island of garbage in the middle of the ocean right now.

Wow, That Was Completely Unexpected Turn: I think it’s called Puerto Rico.

My "professional" opinion:

He nailed it.

In any venue other than a presidential campaign rally -- particularly in the kind of venues he usually performs at, where he's known for taking a "roast" approach to everyone, everything, and everywhere --  that joke would have killed.

But when a joke is told at a presidential campaign rally, any person or group who feels insulted (and anyone who wants to play to that person or group) will treat it as a political statement on the part of the campaign rather than as "just" a joke by a comedian.

I'm not saying that's good or bad, just noticing that that's how things are. I'm not a Trump supporter, or a Harris supporter, nor do I have anything against Puerto Rico (in fact, it's probably in my top ten "places I'd like to visit, and could visit without getting a passport" list).

If all I knew of Hinchcliffe's ouvre was that joke -- and guess what, all I know of Hinchcliffe's ouvre is that joke! -- he would go (and has gone) on my list of "comedians I'd like to see live."