But if I decided to declare my candidacy for the presidency of the United States, I think I would be inclined to do so on a simple, single-plank platform that would no doubt enjoy unanimous voter support:
Every American should always be able to find something decent to eat within a reasonable distance of wherever he or she happens to be at any given moment. Therefore, as president, I would issue an executive order directing all federally funded dining facilities (military mess halls, VA and Medicare-accepting hospital cafeterias, etc.) to offer diners, seven days a week and a minimum of two meal time-frames daily, the four important variants of pizza (New York style in both the classic slice and Sicilian varieties, St. Louis style, and Chicago style), as well as Springfield style cashew chicken and Milwaukee style volcano chicken.
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