Tuesday, October 04, 2011

How the United States Can Save Itself


Not that I particular want it to, mind you. I'm an anarchist, and "US Out of North America!" works just fine for me.

But it's still just barely possible that the United States -- by which I mean the federal government, the overgrown street gang which grandiosely claims possession of a monopoly on the use of force over a particular range of turf composed of much of the land mass of North America, plus some islands in the Pacific, etc. -- could save its own institutional hide, and I like playing hypothetical games.

So, here's the simple plan:

1) Publicly parade the last two (at least) presidents and vice-presidents of the gang, along with various and sundry co-conspirators, before the gang's disciplinary boards ("courts") in orange coveralls, leg irons, etc.;

2) Charge said presidents, vice-presidents, etc., with their crimes against humanity and allow juries of their peers to convict them thereof;

3) Sentence the minor co-conspirators to lengthy terms in prison, and the ringleaders to, at a minimum, life in prison. While I don't favor the death penalty in general, from the standpoint of saving the gang and the gang's monopoly claim, it would probably be smarter to send at least the top few ringleaders to Terre Haute, strap them to gurneys, stick needles in their arms, and inject them with lethal doses of whatever it is the gang uses for that sort of thing.

4) Install some new gang leaders who are willing to spend the next few years traveling the world and apologizing to other gang leaders for their predecessors having been such thoroughgoing dickheads.

That's pretty much it. All of this, or something pretty much exactly like it, is going to happen sooner or later. The only question is whether the gang handles it internally, and possibly survives, or lets the other gangs work up the testicular fortitude to handle it for them, and doesn't.

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